[12 Jan 2007 Friday]
Mission Statement
Current mood: Horrible, and kinda phoenix-like

"It is just past midnight on Friday, January 12th, 2007, and I have chosen today as the day that I shall try to change myself for the better.

"I have realized that I am a very negative person. This is partly to blame from my environment, but it also because of me. I wish to change this.

"The environmental factors that I feel are most negative and need to be changed are:
"-My mother and her passive-aggressive behavior
"-My brother and his openly aggressive behavior
"-My brother and his quick-as-a-snap anger
"-My stepfather and his slow-boil anger, which explodes at the worst times

"The personal traits that I feel are most negative about me and need to be changed are:
"-My tactlessness. I need to learn how to express myself in a more positive fashion.
"-My generally pessimistic outlook.
"-My stubbornness over the wrong things.

"I know the environmental factors will be the hardest to change, so I while I work at saving up money to move out, I will write in this (presently unpurchased) notebook, keeping a journal, EVERY DAY, recording my actions, reactions, and how I feel I did, and what I think I could do to improve, if I feel I reacted poorly.

"I *will* become a better person."

I wrote that before I went to bed last night. Figured certain people might want to know that I'm making a concerted effort to change myself for the better.

[12 Jan 2007 Friday]
Mission Statement
Current mood: Horrible, and kinda phoenix-like

"It is just past midnight on Friday, January 12th, 2007, and I have chosen today as the day that I shall try to change myself for the better.

"I have realized that I am a very negative person. This is partly to blame from my environment, but it also because of me. I wish to change this.

"The environmental factors that I feel are most negative and need to be changed are:
"-My mother and her passive-aggressive behavior
"-My brother and his openly aggressive behavior
"-My brother and his quick-as-a-snap anger
"-My stepfather and his slow-boil anger, which explodes at the worst times

"The personal traits that I feel are most negative about me and need to be changed are:
"-My tactlessness. I need to learn how to express myself in a more positive fashion.
"-My generally pessimistic outlook.
"-My stubbornness over the wrong things.

"I know the environmental factors will be the hardest to change, so I while I work at saving up money to move out, I will write in this (presently unpurchased) notebook, keeping a journal, EVERY DAY, recording my actions, reactions, and how I feel I did, and what I think I could do to improve, if I feel I reacted poorly.

"I *will* become a better person."

I wrote that before I went to bed last night. Figured certain people might want to know that I'm making a concerted effort to change myself for the better.

[09 Jan 2007 Tuesday]
Frankly

Frankly, I'm tired. Of what? Of everything.

I'm tired of being the "good girl", "mommy's little girl", always expected to do right.

I'm tired of pretending to like people.

I'm tired of people trying to tell me that I'm doing wrong by voicing my opinions. I realize that you may not agree with them, and that I could probably find a more tactful way to express myself, but Tact is another nasty little thing I'm tired of trying to figure out.

I'm tired of tip-toeing around all over the place, metaphorically.

I'm tired of not being frank.

So frankly, from now on, I'm going to be honest with everyone around me. If I lose some companions in the process, then so be it. I'm tired of feeling like I can't say a damn word about something I feel strongly about because of how the rest of the world will come jumping down my throat. I don't care anymore. I really don't. Try to make me feel bad for expressing (and standing by) how I feel--really, try it. Watch me not care that you're trying to guilt-trip me. I feel how I feel and I'm standing by it, whether that's a positive, negative, or neutral stance.

After all, honesty is the best policy, isn't it?