Everyone seems to think that I should talk face-to-face about this with Dan.  I'd like to, really; a part of me wants to, but the jaded part of me that developed after all the shit with Paul doesn't, and that jaded part of me is a lot more prevalent than I thought.  Apparently, I never told Mikey about Paul; my apologies, Mikey; I'll tell you during break on Monday or sometime this week.  Personally, I don't think I'm strong enough to face Dan and tell him what's on my mind right now.  Either *I* would start crying, or I'd have to rely on 'Quin to tell him what I think, and considering her lack of tact, I fear what would happen if I did.
 
Cat, I'm giving you permission to print this up if you need to, so that Dan doesn't have to just go by word-of-mouth:
 
What I want to know is why you never said you felt like you were betraying Cat.  All those times you told me you were "very attracted" to me, all those times you got all twitchy because you thought of kissing me, you should have said something about Cat.  You should have just told me from the beginning.  You made me think that not only were you eager to try a relationship with me, you lead me to believe that you were nervous about being on a date with me, those "OMG I'm on a date with so-and-so" jitters.  I would say this if I were looking at you, trust me on that, so take this like I'm saying it.  You betrayed me emotionally, and I feel that you're doing the same to Cat, and it really is the same thing that Paul did, and it is less than appreciated.  We can talk about this face-to-face, but don't expect it anytime soon.  Really, not for a month, at least.
 
 
 
On a lighter note, Brad called me, and we talked on the phone.  ^_^  That made me so freaking happy....  ^_^  Yeah....
 
*sigh*  I hate my high-school drama that is my fucking life.

Now, to elaborate on yesterdays post:  I don't like being played, so don't expect me to call.  Don't expect me to speak to you, look at you, or think of you in a favorable manner.  You will be hurt by me if I see you in the next month or so, and I'm not talkin' emotionally.  You are just as bad as Paul.  If you hurt Cat, I will kill you.  If I find or hear that you're pulling the same shit again, I will kill you.  No two ways about it; I will see you dead for playing me and my friend.
 
*Harlequin nods*  That's fucking right!  Don't even think that she'll ever forgive you completely, you lying sack of shit!  Fuck you and the damn dirty horse you rode in on, if you even deserve THAT much!  Up yours!
 
*puts Quin away for now*  Yeah.  Don't even bother with me, you bastard.  If I call you, consider yourself fucking lucky.

A blogger first:  I'm allowing Harlequin to take over for this entry.
 
 
 
Christyna just read Cat's blog, and has decided something about Dan:  He's a dick.  He should have just SAID that he felt he was being disloyal to Cat from the beginning.  How couldn't he have?  Now Christyna's fucking pissed, and hurt.  She had thought he was into her, and now it seems that he's only into Cat.  What the FUCK?!  He's fucking playing the two of them, that's what I think, and thusly does not deserve my weaker-willed host mind/body's attention.  She doesn't even want to call him and talk to him.  As a matter of fact, she's fucking glad she has karate tonight, because she'll be able to beat the shit out of things.  I'm personally very glad she gives in to her rage once in a while now.  She needs to, and it's fun.  I get to come out physically when she gives in.  She's shaking, y'know--that's how pissed she is.  And she found out not from Dan, or even Cat--she read Mikey's blog, then read Cat's, THEN came back here.  Ohhhh, she wants to kill.  Oh, how I hope she gets bloodlust again.  That was fun.  Hey, fucker!  Thanks for playing her again!  Oh, she loves to feel like a video game!  *laughs angrily, then beats some random idiot in the face*  You're so fucking lucky she doesn't let me speak lest it's on the internet.  Oh, she's gonna have a feild fucking day at the dojo, but not before she's done some personal exerscise.  And don't expect her to call you for a very long time, Dan.  And if you call her, don't expect her to say a whole helluva lot.  She's.  Not.  Happy.  And knowing her weak-willed self, she won't say all that's on her mind, because *mocking* "Deep down, I really do just want to be friends with him", BUT SHE FEELS PRETTY BADLY USED ON THE SURFACE!  Great job!!!  Way to go, making her feel that all men are fucking slobs and assholes again!!!  Fuck.  She has to get off soon.  But remember all that, all of you!  You piss Christyna off, you fucking get fucking me!

Well, there's not a whole lot going on.  I am very bored, and Brad's e-mail's all funky.  Bah.  Uhmmmm.....  I drew the most adorable thing for my english summer school class!  ^_^  Hehe.  Uhmmm...ahhhh...that's about it.  Going to the movies on Friday with my buddy Sam for her birthday.  We're all gonna see "Catwoman", just because Halle Berry is in it.  Kinda funny; a bunch of bi/gay girls and maybe some straight guys going to see a movie which we're all sure is gonna be shitty just because Halle Berry's hot.  ^_^  Is that shallow? :-P

I would like to make this perfectly clear--Dan likes me, and likes me a lot, but I'm not sure how I feel.  I'm not just saying this because I read Kitty Cat's blog, and I'm not saying this to make anyone feel better, save for myself.  We went out yesterday, and now he seems to think that we're as good as a couple....or something.  But I do not think that way.  The way I see it, yesterday was two friends spending time together, nothing more.  If we're a couple, then that will require discussion, and I made sure Dan knew that.  I feel really badly that this is causing Cat distress.  I don't want her to freak out about it, and I really don't like that this has been making her feel like crying.  I mean, I really really don't.  And the thing is, with Dan....his energy puts me on edge.  Last night, his nervousness was rubbing off on me (curse the "gift" of empathy!), but when he relaxed, and I could feel his inherent energy underneath the nervousness, he fucking scared me.  He did.  I felt like a weak little prey animal, just waiting for the predator to strike and devour me.  *And* he seemed to think we were "going out".  I've already made my veiws on "coupling" clear, so I'm not going to go over that again, but it definitely will get discussion with him.  It's just that something about him makes me feel unsafe, and I don't like feeling unsafe when I'm near a man.  It's just like when I was still kinda seeing Asshole for visitation.  I would drag a friend along because I didn't feel safe alone with him anymore.  That's how I feel around Dan.  He *said* he would never willingly cause any harm to come to me, but his energy said something completely different.  Kinda like "actions speak louder than words", but more along the empath's interpretations.  Hell, just thinking of him puts that rock back in my stomach.  I guess I have a problem with commitment.  My longest relationship so far?  5 months, with Mikey.  Only 5 freaking months!  Yeesh!  And now, this guy is totally interested in me, but I'm not sure how much I like him, so I don't want to be in a relationship with him!  ....wait.  That doesn't sound as greedy and self-centered as I thought it would.  Besides, I'm kinda interested in someone else, and I don't know how Dan would take to me flirting..... well, let's just say that "All's fair at Faire", if you catch my drift.  The Faire person who reads my blog does....  *sigh*  I fucking hate complitated love lives.  Can't it all just be simple?  No, that would be too much to ask for.  *sigh*  Later.
 
Ciao,
Christyna
)O(