Same Shit, Different Guy
I hate him.
It's a hard realization to come to, knowing that you really well and truly hate someone. "Hate" is a hard emotion to deal with, after all, and the people I've dealt with in my life who I truly have come to hate are people who you wouldn't normally expect. People who you'd think I would still love, no matter what they did.
But I hate him. I hate this one, too. I hate him because he never listens, he only hears what he wants to hear, and if what you're saying isn't what he wants to hear, he will shout at you until you adjust your choice of words to what he wants you to say. I hate him because he values brute force over all else. I hate him because he still gives completely undeserved respect to the first one I truly hated. I hate him because we went through the same shit, so we should be on the same page, be damn inseparable, but instead, we're on different fucking planets. I hate how he keeps showing up in my real friends' lives, even peripherally. I hate his smarmy little comments, his attempts to charm. I hate him for so many reasons. He's a douchebag, and possibly a true sociopath. I've never seen him do anything that would indicate that he cares about anything other than himself and what he's sticking his dick into. Most everything he's done, he's done for his own comfort. And I hate him.
I should try to let go of the hate. I let go of the hate for the one before him. It was hard, it took me years, but I was young and stupid and thought that actively hating someone I wasn't keeping in my life was a good idea. All it does is hurt the person doing the hating. I realized that, and I let go of the active part of that hate. But this one... all it takes is one little comment on one of my friends' statuses, and I want to completely eradicate his existence. It's new hate, so it's illogical like that at times, and I know that someday, it'll fade to a low burn, like what exists for the first, but right now, it flares.
I'm supposed to be helpful for him soon. There's going to be a phone call which could result in him going away for a very long time if I'm properly helpful. But I hate him. There's only one way I've been asked to be helpful, after all. What shall I do when that single question I'm meant to be "good" for passes? "Yes, I think he's simply perfect; he has a great disdain for any authority not his own and thinks that the best way to prove you're right is to smash the other guy into the ground, because being tougher proves your rightness! He also hates taxes 'cause he's a greedy bastard, and doesn't think inner-city kids need after-school programs and the like, because he, a spoiled suburb boy, didn't need them, so why should they?"
I hate him. I don't quite know how to deal with it, because I can't cut him out the way I did the first. He seems to actually be somewhat... *friends* with *my* friends. MY friends. And it makes me want to do things the Rede clearly forbids. Some of the answers I want to give when that phone call comes in could count as violating the Rede. I just hate that this appears to be my fate, and I hate him.
It's a hard realization to come to, knowing that you really well and truly hate someone. "Hate" is a hard emotion to deal with, after all, and the people I've dealt with in my life who I truly have come to hate are people who you wouldn't normally expect. People who you'd think I would still love, no matter what they did.
But I hate him. I hate this one, too. I hate him because he never listens, he only hears what he wants to hear, and if what you're saying isn't what he wants to hear, he will shout at you until you adjust your choice of words to what he wants you to say. I hate him because he values brute force over all else. I hate him because he still gives completely undeserved respect to the first one I truly hated. I hate him because we went through the same shit, so we should be on the same page, be damn inseparable, but instead, we're on different fucking planets. I hate how he keeps showing up in my real friends' lives, even peripherally. I hate his smarmy little comments, his attempts to charm. I hate him for so many reasons. He's a douchebag, and possibly a true sociopath. I've never seen him do anything that would indicate that he cares about anything other than himself and what he's sticking his dick into. Most everything he's done, he's done for his own comfort. And I hate him.
I should try to let go of the hate. I let go of the hate for the one before him. It was hard, it took me years, but I was young and stupid and thought that actively hating someone I wasn't keeping in my life was a good idea. All it does is hurt the person doing the hating. I realized that, and I let go of the active part of that hate. But this one... all it takes is one little comment on one of my friends' statuses, and I want to completely eradicate his existence. It's new hate, so it's illogical like that at times, and I know that someday, it'll fade to a low burn, like what exists for the first, but right now, it flares.
I'm supposed to be helpful for him soon. There's going to be a phone call which could result in him going away for a very long time if I'm properly helpful. But I hate him. There's only one way I've been asked to be helpful, after all. What shall I do when that single question I'm meant to be "good" for passes? "Yes, I think he's simply perfect; he has a great disdain for any authority not his own and thinks that the best way to prove you're right is to smash the other guy into the ground, because being tougher proves your rightness! He also hates taxes 'cause he's a greedy bastard, and doesn't think inner-city kids need after-school programs and the like, because he, a spoiled suburb boy, didn't need them, so why should they?"
I hate him. I don't quite know how to deal with it, because I can't cut him out the way I did the first. He seems to actually be somewhat... *friends* with *my* friends. MY friends. And it makes me want to do things the Rede clearly forbids. Some of the answers I want to give when that phone call comes in could count as violating the Rede. I just hate that this appears to be my fate, and I hate him.
